Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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