Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
