Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
