I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
