Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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