the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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