I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
