I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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