When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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