ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
