Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
