Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
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I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
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How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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