I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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