I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
