At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
