Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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