Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He literally asked permission to hit on me
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
