And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
