Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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