Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
