Whod you bang
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
