Are we in a gay sports bar?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
