You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
