why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
