the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
