His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
