The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
do nipples grow back?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
