I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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