He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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