I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
