I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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