hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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