If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
