I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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