It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
