ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
