Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
