Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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