I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
