No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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