The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
