Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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