my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
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It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
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The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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