so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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