so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
