@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
