I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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