Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
