he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
