I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
