Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
