I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
