apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
