if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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