I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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