In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
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those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
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WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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