I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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