I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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