You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
