Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
