i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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