yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
