I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
