When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
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I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
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Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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